Monday 2 March 2015

How to Become Emotionally Independent in a Relationship - Part 2

Last time, I started to explain how to become emotionally independent in a relationship. I really want to help anyone struggling with this so today we're going to go through a few simple exercises that will help keep you grounded in the present time. By living in the moment, you should feel more relaxed and less worried about what might happen in the future with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Your thoughts will be absorbed in what is happening in the present moment, rather than on concerns about what might happen in the future.

So, how do you live in the "now" and stop worrying about the future?

I've outlined a few techniques and exercises below which I hope will help teach you mindfulness and distract you from worrying about what's going on in your relationship.


1) Connecting with the people and objects around you:

If the weather is fine, take a few minutes out of your day to go for a walk outside. Focus on what's around you, paying attention to any road signs you see and making an effort to notice the tiny details e.g. the different types of flowers in a hanging basket, the windows above a tatty shop building, the golden name plate on a park bench etc. By doing this, your thoughts should quieten and you should find it easier to enjoy living in the moment.

Whenever you feel that your thoughts are becoming chaotic with worries and concerns about your relationship, place your hands down on your thighs and focus on the weight of them. Notice how each finger feels against the fabric of your clothing and keep focusing on that until the thoughts quieten.

To help you further, have a quick look at the people around you when you're outside. Remind yourself that—just like you—those people have laughed, cried, smiled and known a lot of the emotions that you're experiencing. This will help connect you more with the people around you and take your mind off of your current worries.



2) Breathing techniques:

Meditation and breathing techniques are really helpful for easing worries. Whenever you start to panic or feel insecure, calm yourself with relaxing meditational music and good breathing techniques. 

Breathing Technique: Hold your breath for the count of four seconds, inhale through the nose for seven seconds, and then exhale through the mouth for eight seconds. Repeat until you feel calmer.


3) Resist the urge to check in on your partner all of the time:

I know it's hard when you care about someone and are itching to hear from them...but try to stop yourself from texting your partner all the time for reassurance. Even more than that, if you do send a text, do not follow that up with another text if they fail to respond. Give them some space and do not chase. It can be quite emotionally draining to receive text messages from partners who are constantly seeking reassurance so try not to fall into that trap.

If you think that you might struggle with this then have a "go to" group of friends who you text whenever you feel yourself itching to message your significant other. Your partner is much more likely to respond if you don't chasing him/her for an answer.  

4) Believing in yourself

It's really important that you try to build up your own self-esteem. You have to believe that you are worthy of your partner. The fact is that he or she chose you for a variety of reasons. You have to trust them and have faith in your own self-worth. If you trust their decision and value yourself then everything else will fade away.

5) Make time to do something you love or develop a new hobby:

A little space in a relationship is healthy. You and your partner both need a few hours where you can do something separate from each other—something you both love. It also means that you both have more  things to talk about when you come back together. If there was a hobby that you enjoyed doing before you got with your partner then I suggest taking that up again.

Above all else, remember that your partner is in love with you. Love isn’t about needing proof or evidence—often it’s about having the faith and courage to believe that your partner truly loves you. Trust that your significant other wants you.

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